Joya

Joya is from South Asia. She came to Ireland on a Stamp 3 eleven years ago. She has one child and is married.

Migration experience

I relocated to Ireland in 2012 with my little kid. I joined my husband who came to Ireland in April 2012 on an employment visa with a technology company.  I had a particularly respectable job and had worked for about 7/8 years but when I came to Ireland, I had no work permit and was fully dependent on my husband. I found it hard to be without a job. It was difficult leaving my family, circle of friends, career and moving to an unfamiliar ground with no friends and finance. I was alienated from my family. I could not understand people here and their way of life, so it was difficult for me to make friends but after a while I became friends with families of my husband’s colleagues, and this helped. My first two months in Ireland was a mixture of loneliness, financial and culture shock, especially with the weather. I and my daughter lived alone because my husband’s job took him out Ireland, sometimes for as long as 6 months. I found it difficult living alone with my child. After a year, my daughter started school, and this gave me the opportunity to leave the house and explore my environment. I enrolled at the gym, met some local people, and made new friends. I started talking to people, going out to places to get out of depression. This was how I changed my situation.

DSGBV experience and access to supports

Between 2012 to 2020, almost 8 years, I experienced domestic abuse from my husband. It was more of physical and emotional abuse. He would sometimes beat me up. My husband wanted me to stay at home, be a stay-at-home parent and take care of the home. The Stamp 3 made it worse and gave him the opportunity to exercise this control further because it took away my right to work. The community I belong to also contributed to empowering him in the abuse and control. They were not supportive or helpful because they believe, since I am a woman, I must stay at home and take care of the kids. We can recognise physical abuse very easily, but it is exceedingly difficult to identify mental abuse. I can say that from my own experience. I did not know I was abused and only realised when I started browsing the internet for information. The friends I made from the gym also helped me with information. There are lots of information on the internet, and they clearly define and distinguish the differences between mental, physical, or sexual abuse. This opened my eyes and the knowledge that I was experiencing not just physical abuse but also mental abuse.

During the lockdown the abuse got so bad, I started searching online for supports. I found Women’s Aid – I called them and got some support from them. I knew from then on that I was not “completely alone” and there was help available. They assessed my situation and asked whether I wanted to leave the house at that moment or not. I said yes, if it is possible. Then they told me how to prepare, things and important documents to take. Then they gave me a number to call. I have been told that because of the lockdown, and since I was not in a risky or life-threatening situation, to go to the Garda or hospital, I would only be sheltered for a few days. I was advised on how to be strategic, prepare for future abuse and focus on my study. They also offered me immediate rescue to the nearest refuge, should it be needed. So, knowing that was a huge support for me. In those moments of domestic abuse, you need someone to listen to you. If you cannot tell anyone, the situation gets worse.

The biggest issue for migrant women in abusive relationships is that they feel alone, helpless, and hopeless. Due to their isolation and inability to socialise, they often have no clue about where to get help. It is a big obstacle for migrant women that since they come to another society through their husbands, the information they usually get is also through their husbands. Beyond that, they usually do not easily get any information about services or supports. We are indeed vulnerable. We cannot get the courage to leave the relationships. We keep thinking that the situation will be fine. One day things will change. We can’t figure out when enough is enough, when we are at the “point of no return.” Every woman needs to understand that limit.

Interactions with the authorities

I did not have many interactions with the authorities. I was scared to go for legal action and felt the situation was not that serious at that time. I never had interactions with the Garda regarding the abuse. Things did not go that far. But while studying for my degree, I needed to contact the Garda regularly for signing some ethics documents. I also had interactions with the immigration services through the renewal of my visa. My experience with the Immigration service and Garda was friendly and professional.

Integration into Irish society

My experience with Irish people is not bad. It is good. I do not know what is in their mind, but their behaviour is always nice. But one thing is, although they behave genuinely nice, they do not accept me as their own, but treat me as an “outsider.” So overall Irish people are good. But to be honest, a bit racist too. They would listen, know you, but they would not invite you to their home and make a close friendship with you. It will not happen. There is always a gap that exists. I feel that sometimes.

I have made friends in Dublin with Irish, Africans and other migrants. I also had good relationship with my neighbours. It is different in this new neighbourhood we live in now. There is not much interaction apart from the occasional greetings whenever we meet in the area. People are not friendly in this area. We moved in shortly before the lockdown, so that did not help as well and did not give me the opportunity to develop relationships.

I also made friends and expanded my social network while studying at the university. I found the university environment supportive and friendly. They saw the potential in me and treated me as a “struggler, a fighter,” which boosts my confidence a lot. They were always willing to help me, and this made it so easy for me to learn and integrate in the society. Overall, I find the Irish people in the university and workplace broad minded, helpful, and supportive. They are more open-minded than my community.

My volunteering role influenced my life a great deal. It not only gave me the opportunity to learn, practice and upskill myself, but it opened me up to a lot of information. I am deeply knowledgeable about the level of domestic violence, information for women experiencing abuse, mental issues and supports available for different issues. I know now that there is help for everything and different strategies to break free from a tough situation. This volunteering and getting out from home made me confident and courageous.

It would be extremely helpful to set up a helpline that offers both verbal and physical support for migrant women experiencing domestic violence. Women in inconvenient situations need immediate practical support and not a listening service only. If the woman is victimized at that moment, or her life is at risk, she will not have that much chance to call and wait for another call.