Rachael

Rachel came to Ireland from a Latin American country on a student visa to study English but became undocumented. She had been in Ireland for three years at the time she participated in the GBV-MIG research project.

Migration experience

I came to Ireland … to study English and after a few months I met an Irish guy and I fell in love with him.… I thought I could have good relationship and maybe have a family … and make my life here. But then after a few months I started to seeing him coming to see me drunk.… I could see he had a problem much bigger than I realised before.… I was in this relationship for over two years and I got pregnant.… Then my student visa expired and I decided to stay in Ireland because I didn’t want to go back to my country pregnant.… I believed that it would get better, he would stop drinking. I think [Irish people] are very friendly and nice.… When I had my visa, they used to be very friendly. [But] when they knew that my visa expired, [for some] it is like I didn’t exist anymore.

DSGBV experience and access to supports

The most difficult [thing] was the moment that my visa expired and I decided to stop working because I didn’t want to keep working illegally or undocumented. After that, I became dependent on the father of my child and then I couldn’t … pay [for] a house for myself … [so] I had to live with him, with his parents.… When I was about thirty-two weeks pregnant, we got a house [together] … and I was very happy … because he stopped drinking [for a while].… [But then] he used to [come home drunk and] fall asleep in the couch for four to six hours and … wake up about 1 am or 2 am and then I couldn’t sleep [because he] didn’t leave me rest when he was awake.…

So I was there, like in a prison. I couldn’t change my future and the contract of that house was twelve months and it was in a very faraway place. I had no car. I didn’t drive. There was no way to take a bus because it was between [two towns].… I couldn’t ask for help and I didn’t want to tell anything to my landlord. I didn’t want to complain but when I was thirty-nine weeks, I decided I couldn’t live there with him anymore. [My partner’s father] invited me to go live with them.… The landlord [agreed to me leaving and] came to the house to check if everything was okay. Then he said,… “Give me a hug.”… I gave him a hug but he didn’t [let me go]. He hugged me very tight and tried to kiss my lips. When I left … I don’t believe he tried to kiss me. He is Irish. He could be my grandfather. I think that happens because I’m [from Latin America]. Some Irish guys think that we like to kiss, we like to have fun with men. Because I have heard that a lot.…

So, I had the baby. After four days I went back to his parents’ house. He was drunk [that day].… I had a very bad C-section. He used to sleep in the same bed with me and I couldn’t sleep because I was afraid that he [would] hurt me … [because] he was too drunk.… So I had to be in the chair with my baby all night long.… Sometimes he would pull my hair and [say], “You are a rat.” … I spoke with Irish friends [and they put me in contact with someone at a women’s refuge].… I told her the situation and … she said if you want I can collect you right now and I said, “Please do that.” So I took only a bag with baby clothes [and] that woman collected me with my baby and she dropped me at the refuge and when I got to the door, I couldn’t speak, I couldn’t tell [them] the situation. I was like just crying.… [Eventually] they called Tusla and different doctors came out and midwives and then finally [I was sent to stay in a hotel because it was not possible to stay at the refuge due to Covid].… I stayed [in the hotel] one night and then I got very sick … [and] was scared that something could happen to me alone.… [So], I went back to his parents’ house because he was all the time ringing me … saying that he would change.… [A] public nurse came to the house and checked my wound and she told me that I had a very bad infection … [and I needed] antibiotics straight away.

[After that] I went back to the hospital … and I stayed there two more weeks.… and I went back to his parents’ house and he said he was going to be sober. He [was] for two or three days and everything started again.… I started speaking to my ex-boss and she said: “If you want to come here, it’s okay, you can live with us.” … So she helped me and she’s Irish. She really helped me and she was a very good friend. She gave me a room for free … and she used to come to the room and take the baby for me to go to sleep or get some fresh air for fifteen minutes or even to go for a shower.… I stayed there for three months.… [Then] I rung the refuge [and they said we] can’t put you in a [refuge] because you don’t have your visa and we can’t help you because you can support yourself … so I started crying and then she [offered to put me in a hotel for two weeks]. I didn’t have a visa for over one year [and] couldn’t get any benefits from the government. So no income. I still had some savings but it was very small.… I had applied for residency at that time and I was waiting for the answer. [Eventually a social worker helped me to access rent supplement] and I tried to find a place, but nothing for that price and after ten days, they invited me to live in the [refuge for one week].… I didn’t find a house so I had to stick with the father of my baby and ask him to accept me back in his house.…

Interactions with the authorities

[After I returned] Tusla came to the house. They spoke to me, spoke to his mother because his mother wanted to know why Tusla [was there] … and then she would go crazy at me.… Then [one night my partner tried] to put the door down, banging the door, trying to open [it] with a knife. I was very scared.… [So] I called [the] Garda. For the first time I ask for help. So they came and he changed completely straight away in front of the Garda, [who said],… “Do you want that we put him out?” [I said], “It’s okay” … and when the Garda left … [my partner shouted], “You are crazy.… You are alone here. You just have me and the only person who helps you, who gives you a roof, who gives you food, who gives you clothes and you want to put [me] in prison.”

Integration into Irish society

Then I was still trying to find a house for myself and my baby [and] … I found this house, [but] I had no chance to get [it as an] immigrant … so I brought [my child’s father] to see the house and pretend everything was okay and we are a nice couple. I had money to pay rent for three months only.… He moved into the house [with me and] … for four weeks he was sober. But the first day that he went to drink I [asked his father to collect him and] he never came anymore. After that, I rang the refuge again and asked for that help from rent supplement. [I began] paying the rent with my savings and the refuge … brought me some vouchers to go shopping and brought some nappies.… I got money [from a charity].… Then when my visa came, I had to pay €300 so I didn’t have all the money to pay the rent so [the charity helped with that].… So, yeah, I found some angels in Ireland that helped me. [But] I would like to say [that] they deny my child benefits. My baby has no right to it, even [though] she is Irish, because they told [me], “I have no ties in Ireland. I have no residency in Ireland and … because I am not employed … my future is uncertain they said.”